Satirical Humanitarian Aid Packages for Hamas in Gaza
My Surefire Way for Defeating Hamas Terrorists
Welcome Back Practical Patriots
Howdy and Welcome Back to all my Practical Patriots out there. So I wanted to piggyback off of my last post of satirical “news headlines” from Hamas and provide a list of recommended aid or care packages for those same scumbags. I totally 100% support and stand behind Israel! What was done to their people is sickening and ungodly, this is not a territory dispute, it's an attempted extermination of the Jewish people of Israel and beyond. I can’t believe I am about to say this, however I am actually pleasantly surprised, for the most part, in regards to Biden’s response to Hamas’ attack on Israel and her people. But, I do doubt this will remain the case, but this is probably the best moment Biden has had, period. But again, this is not about politics, this is - right vs. wrong, good vs. evil, godly vs. ungodly.
There is one thing, on a serious note, that I want to say. The Leftists are always claiming and crying in the defense of Palestine people over the atrocities Hamas committed against the Jewish people. Is it just me or is the total destruction of Hamas by Israel a good thing? I guess, unless you want the Gaza citizens to fill into the ranks of the terrorist organization Hamas. But, if you really want what's best for their people, and their freedom, shouldn’t Hamas be destroyed and a new regime or government come in that actually cares about its people? I am not some sort of socio-political guru by any means, but the math seems simple. We should destroy the terrorist group Hamas, they have been holding Gaza hostage for the last decade plus, and therefore provide a better life for those in Gaza. What am I missing here? It should be very simple! So fuck Hamas and of course, let’s go Brandon!
Acceptable Humanitarian Aid Care Packages for the Hama Terrorists
Crate after Crate Containing Both Mentos and Coke - No better way to defeat the evil Israeli colonists than by spewing a volcanic eruption of the mouth from a potent cocktail of Mentos and coke mixed with stomach bile to burn their eyes out, shit if a ten year old can do it, a Hamas terrorist can do it with a little YouTube.
Jim Jones How to Throw a Kool-Aid Kegger Manual - Jim Jones sure as hell knows how to throw a party, not only a normal party but one that goes from 100 to 0 in a just a matter of minutes, Jim Jones party manual to include all the necessary party fix-ins, including Kool-Aid, megaphone, rat poison, and a “special message” from Jim Jones to Hamas saying this is the same “party” kit that he gave to Hitler, and mentions “bottoms up.”
Connexes Full of Pallets Filled with Fresh Bottled Water, Bottled Straight from the Source of Montezuma’s Revenge in Mexico - No better way than to kill two birds with one stone, than to provide the disgusting terrorists with water to fuel them up and than almost immediately put them on their deathbed as they shit their pants all over each other and provide obviously marked shit stained buildings that have now become surface targets for Israel.
Sterlite Containers of Sealed, Extra Cheesy, Late Night Stoner Menu, Day Old Taco Bell Meals - Nothing better than to keep your fighters full of calories and energized than the late night snacks from Taco Bell, the Taco Bell can be used to purge all of the Jewish evil of Israel from the Hamas fighters before they go into battle, plus it will also help ensure Israel doesn’t come within ten miles of them.
Several Tons of Leftover Expired Gas Station Sushi - Nothing better than this for your next road trip, if Hamas plans to attack Israel again and get into cars for the long ride to try and slaughter the innocents, they first will have to survive the chocolate molten lava rushing out of the attackers asses, if they survive that, the next phase of sushi, results in significant and excruciating pain and death.
Plastic Totes Filled with Horse and Elephant Laxatives Marked as “Powdered Milk” - Works best when mixed with the “bottled water” provided in previous care packages, will make you and your Hamas buddies ass propelled across enemy lines - fine print - until you die an extremely painful death from severe dehydration, remember to wear an air freshener around your neck or you could accidentally give away your position with your screams and rancid smells.
Medical Supplies and First Aid Kits Filled with Serial Number 1 COVID-19 Vaccines - There is nothing more effective at protecting the users from “certain” death than the COVID vaccine, but it also has extreme and powerful effects resulting in death of a heart attack, so there is no better way to protect yourself from the evil Jews than to kill yourself, and not give them the chance to get you.
Valentine Heart Candies Laced with Chinese/Mexico Fentanyl - Just a little bit of candy for a nice sugar pick me up to snack on when you are in the misted of battle, these lovely valentines day candy will also help you in battle get to Allah much quicker than expected, also feel free to share amongst your Hamas brothers/lovers - but remember this is certainly too good and too powerful of a weapon to be shared with citizens of Gaza, you will want to horde these great candies.
Pre-Packaged Lunches for Hamas Hate Meetings, Including Warm Deli Meats and Undercooked Chicken and Salmonella Covered Vegetables - I am pretty sure everyone has been in a lunch meeting and they all provide sandwiches and pre packaged sides, especially since COVID, so why not make it easier for Hamas to gather for their informative business strategy lunches, don’t worry Hamas these have been “properly sealed” since we loaded them up, just make sure your meeting has extra shitters!
Each and Every Member of the UN, Provided to the Citizens of Gaza to Serve as Human Shields - To protect the Hamas human shields from the evil Israeli bullets, ensuring that none of the Hamas “de-colonizers” are injured, killed or even inconvenienced, I mean hell, the members of the UN are the biggest supporters of Hamas so they might as well be on the front lines.
Shitty Surgical Face Masks Recommended by the Leftists and Fauci - Masks are provided to ensure that Hamas is able to “stop the spread” of the evil Israeli empire and also a facial covering making sure Hamas faces are covered and not seen on Al-Jazeera cameras, shit they can even put them over the camera lens, as well as a voice muffler when Hamas confirms they actually attacked their own hospital.
55 Gallon Drums Marked Diesel and Gasoline, Actually Replaced with E85 Ethanol - Knowingly that Hamas will steal and confiscate all the fuel, once Hamas then loads it into their vehicles, etc. all their transportation, generators, etc. will become total shit, however a manual will be provided stating this fuel is for “Gaza citizens only” and keep out of reach of Hamas, as this is super duper pooper scooper jet fuel, that’s what E85 means, duh.
Medieval Catapults for Launching Rockets “The Distance” - Whether or not Hamas claims of developing a world ending super weapon “catapult” are true or not, we can at least send them a couple, specifically the serial number one medieval weapons, made up of stone and hundred pound wooden timbers, we will make sure these are dropped off at the most southern part of Gaza, by the time Hamas is able to push these goliaths to the front of the lines, the IDF will have all but won the war by then.
Jamaal Bowman to Serve as a Volunteer Firefighter for the People of Gaza - We all know how much Hamas complains about “all the bombings and fires” that are caused by Israel, so no better way to help out the good fellows of Hamas, than give them the best firefighter in Congress, he literally saved all the members of Congress from having to vote, so you know he will certainly bust into burning buildings to grab Gaza citizens and members of Hamas, who might have accidentally blown themselves to hell.
Karine Jean-Pierre and Jen Psaki to Serve as Hamas Press Secretaries - To ensure that the world and specifically the Western world knows only the correct facts and only the truth about the atrocities by the Israeli military, so we supplied the best, most honest, and straight forward press secretaries the White House has to offer, we know we can’t trust Hamas or the legacy media, so let’s bring in these witches to speak the truth.
Connexes Stacked and Filled with Bath Salts - Nothing better to help relax Hamas terrorists by drawing each other a nice warm bath, but also helps turn them dipshits into mindless, Hannibal Lecter-like zombies when ingested, we would all love to see them eating each other's faces off naked on top of each other.
The Disgusting Excuse of a Building Structure from Burning Man - “the Orgy Dome” - Hamas wanted something comparable and as powerful as the Israeli “Iron Dome” air defense system, so we talked to the creators of Burning Man and they will happily provide the wondrous “Orgy Dome” to provide protection from the non-stop air raids and all the rockets from Israel, hell if all else fails the Hamas warriors can have sex with each other.
Hunter Biden to Serve as a Nude Model and Finger Painting Class Teacher - Perfect for Hamas to attend during the Israeli military “pauses’ to get a little bit of rest and relaxation during the fighting intermission, also I fight it hard to belief that Hamas will be any less effective at defeating Israel than they already are, but when they gouge their own eyes out during class, I think this might bring their effectiveness to an absolute zero.
All of the American Pro Hamas College Students to Provide Aid to Gaza - To make sure that the Pro Hamas college students are able to get to Gaza quickly and effectively, each one of them is provided with a defunct air glider and sky jump out of the back of a plane into the Gaza region, we all know that Hamas can certainly use their support, Hamas is preparing to claim the college students are innocent Gaza citizens slaughtered by Israel.
Each and Every Member of “The Squad” - AOC, Jamaal Bowman, Cory Bush, Ayanna Pressley, Illhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib - Each of the members of “The Squad” will be provided a “Jesus is my Homeboy” t-shirt to rally and support all the people of Gaza to fight back against the evil Jews of Israel, but don’t worry Hamas we will pack AOC with her drink mixer, at least the Hamas terrorists can have a nice drink before they put a gun in their mouth after listening to the shit that comes out of these idiots mouths.
The Private Security Personnel Hired by The Squad Members and Other Democrats - Since The Squad will be in Gaza already, why not sent over all the private security they have hired overtime as they have battled to “Defund the Police”, therefore I would seriously expect The Squad to continue their movement to defund police in Gaza, however since there are no police there, I will recommend they make calls to “Defund Hamas”, I expect nothing but great results.
So Stay Strong, Stand Up, Stay Right - Till Next Time, Let’s Go Brandon
As conservative republicans, we will not be ignored or go unheard anymore! We must stay strong, voice our opinions, sound off, and cannot relent! Let’s stay the course, as we “Bring Conservatism Back to the Mainstream.” It’s our time to bring REAL conservative republicans to the forefront of OUR GREAT COUNTRY. #Time2Go2Work, #Red4TheWin, #Conservatives4ThePeople, #GodBlessAmerica, #DefeatDarkBrandon
Thanks again for reading and hope you enjoyed it. I would love to hear your thoughts and comments! If you enjoyed the post and discussion, please consider making a contribution to aid in my fight for what is “Right” via the Buy Me a Coffee Link, though I do consider myself more of a beer kind of guy, Yuengling’s to be exact. Be Safe Out There and May God Bless You and Yours!
Stay Strong, Stand Up, Stay Right, Till Next Time, Let’s Go Brandon!
Yours Truly,
The Common Sense Conservative
Houston, Texas USA
November 15, 2023